Dead man's chest parody
by snowflakes and ink
Summary: The title explains it!
1. Chapter 1

I do not own PoTC

Errrrrr......Look, I am sorry, I forgot about the front part of the movie....so...here you go!

Epilogue

_Elizabeth Swann was dressed in a pretty frock, no, wait, wedding gown and sitting in the rain. She was holding flowers, counting the petals over and over again. Who was she waiting for?  
_

James Norrington: Me? Of course, before I crashed into a storm somewhere near Tortuga and almost died

Authoress: Shut up and go away

James Norrington: Me? NEVER! I am the bloody commodore; I can do whatever I want to!

Authoress: One more word, Mr. Commodore, and you ARE going to be BLOODY!

James Norrington: WTF 'disappeared'

_Anyway, Elizabeth was waiting for her fiancée. The scene showed ships and a little man on board of it. _

Little person: HUZZAH! Yeah! That's me 'started dancing can-can on the horse'

Horse: If you are not going to sit still, I might have to buckle you off

Little person: Okay, fine

_There were soldiers running around, some stopped and played Go Fish while other stomped around aimlessly. Anyway, they decided that it would be more fun to stomp down the blacksmith shop. They arrested Will for no apparent reason. _

Little Person: hey! There is a reason!

Authoress: Yeah, because he is taller and hotter than you?

Little Person: YEAH!

Pause

Little person: I mean no

_Just then, Elizabeth came running up the stairs to see her husb-no, her fiancée. _

Elizabeth: Will! What did they do to you!?

Will: Nothing…yet

Elizabeth: You know, it is really bad luck to see the bride before the wedding

Will: You know, the way you put it, I am not having much luck at all now. Oh! You've got spinach on your teeth

Elizabeth: release him! You bunch of suckers!

Little Person: Does the 'you' include me as well?

Elizabeth: yeah!

Little Person: OMG YOU'RE SO DEAD!

Will: nice try

Little Person: SHUT UP! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!??!

Elizabeth: um, Groves?

Groves: HEY! I am not THAT short! 'Starts punching everyone around him'

Little Person: 'to Groves' you are so fired

Elizabeth: oh! A dwarf!

Little Person: 'blows top' NOO! I am Cutler Beckett!

Will: did someone say beef cutlet? Yes! I want one, thank you!

Pause

Little person: Good joke, that one, but I am not exactly tickled

Governor Swann: Cutler!

Beckett: it's LORD Cutler now, please

Governor: I don't give a shit; tell me why did you arrest this insolent hot-head?

'Points at Will'

Will: Insolent Hot-Head?

Beckett: the reason I arrest this bloody eunuch because I want to

Will: bloody eunuch??!?!

Elizabeth: on what charges do you arrest this retarded gay-man?

Will: RETARDED GAY-MAN!?!?!

Beckett: good question, where's the warrant, Mr. Mercy?

Mercer: the name is Mercer

Beckett: Oh, whatever, where's the warrant, Mr. Mercedes?

Mercer: I won't give it to you if you keep getting my name wrong

Beckett: 'soooooooper angry' JUST GIVE ME THE BLOODY WARRANT OR IT IS YOUR HEAD I'LL CHOP OFF!

Mercer: 'Squeaking' here, sir

Beckett: that's better 'reads off the warrant' Wait a minute; I forgot I can't read, Groves! Since you are Second-Biggest-Suck-Up next to Gillette who has mysteriously disappeared, read it to me

Groves: No way, you fired me

Beckett: OH YES! I FORGOT!

Will: You have memory of…what…..10 minutes?

Groves: it is not even 10 minutes

Beckett: shut up people, the spotlight's on me now. Governor, read it for me!

Governor Swann: 'reading' prairie dogs are cut, prairie dogs are cuddly, but the cutest of all is you, my dear James Norrington. Meet me outside my house P.S. bring your underpants

Everyone: 'sniggers'

Beckett: THE OTHER SIDE!

Governor: I therefore charge Mr. William Donald Mickey Lucifer Priscilla Lovely Eunuch Harry Erika-

Beckett: Just go to his last name

Governor: -Turner with piracy. He was helping a pirate at Port Royal and thereby sentenced to death. LOLOLOL

Elizabeth: ……okay, something tells me that this warrant had being altered by Jack Sparrow

Beckett: Nice of you to bring that up

Elizabeth: Crap

Beckett: now, I need to catch this dude named Sparrow, does anyone of you know him?

Elizabeth and Will: NO

Beckett: nice try, eunuch

Will: You know, Jack has being calling me that-

Elizabeth: WILL!

Beckett: Okay, the game is up, you know Jack Sparrow riiiiiiiiiight?!?! 'Shifting eyes'

Elizabeth and Will: CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!

Beckett: you know, that pretty much seal your fate. Groves! Take them away!

Groves: Sir, FYI, you fired me

Beckett: You are hired again, arrest these people

Groves: YES SIR! RIGHT AWAY SIR! WHATEVER YOU SAY, SIR! 'To Will and Elizabeth' sucks for you


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

_It was a dark, stormy night, dudes were being led into this dude place where the dudes were punished in a dude way…blah blah blah……… People were dumping coffins into the sea. _

Coffin dumper 1: This one is extra-or-dinarily heavy.

Coffin dumper 2: Yeah, probably belonged to some 35984358734509485kilogram prisoner.

Coffin dumper 3: or it probably contains some other dude trying to get away

Coffin dumper 1: hey, great idea! Let's open it!

_Coffin dumper 2 opened the coffin carefully………and………………._

Coffin: hey, shut it, you pig heads

Everyone: 'started screaming like girls'

Coffin: he-he, never offend a talking coffin

_In the sea…………………_

Coffin: 'singing' row row row your boat, merrily down the stream………

Crow: peck peck peck, I smell rum, and peanut butter, and jelly and.. and..and………

BOOM!!!

_The crow is now barbecued. A hand emerged from the coffin holding a pistol; finally, a man emerged from the coffin. _

Dracula: HEY! You stole my dramatic entrance!

Jack Sparrow: Don't think so mate

Dracula: hmph!

Jack Sparrow: row row row your boat, merrily down the stream…

Coffin: hey! You stole my song AND you blew a hole in me!

Jack Sparrow: …and when you meet a crocodile, don't forget to scream AHH!

_Somewhere in space, ET was awoken by Jack's scream. _

Jack: um, sorry buddy, but I would have to borrow your leg 'plucks leg from body'

Body: OW!

Jack: look, I said sorry! Anyway, you have another one.

Body: you didn't mean it

Jack: I DID!

Body: huh, yeah right!

Jack: I am serious!

Body: News flash! Jack is being serious!

Jack: Shut up, you are not suppose to have lines

Body: hey, I have a joke!

Jack: What is it?

Body: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Jack: I've heard that before! Um……………… because it wants to get to the other side?

Body: nope! 'Cuz it wants to buy worms on the other side! HAHAHAHAH!

Crickets chirped…

Jack: You know, that wasn't funny

Body: yeah, true


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 2_

_On board the Pearl…………………_

Jack: 'got out from the coffin and handed the skeleton leg over to Gibbs' Take it

Gibbs: 'gave it to Cotton'

Cotton's parrot: Hey, you sucker!

Gibbs: Me?

Cotton's Parrot: yes, you!

Gibbs: What?

Cotton's Parrot: Take that! 'Stuffed the leg into Gibb's mouth'

Everyone: Yikes!

Jack: shut up

Gibbs: So, things aren't as what we planned?

Jack: nope, but I got it! 'Started doing the worm'

Gibbs: What have you got?

Jack: Three stuffed prairie dogs and a mosquito repellent

Pause

Gibbs: I meant the key

Jack: oh, yes, the key, wait, it is here somewhere 'started searching all his pockets'

_Three gazillion years later………………_

Jack: Aha! Found it! I forgot I hid it in my underwear!

Gibbs: So, what is that?

Jack: 'shows them the picture of a key'

Pirate dude 1: A key!

Jack: NO! Ever better! It is the DRAWING OF A KEY! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH! 'Lightning flash for special effects'

Pause

Gibbs: That's a big difference

Jack: NO! Can you open anything with this drawing of a key? NO!

Gibbs: Actually, we are looking for something more……shiny and sparkly, you know?

Jack: Oooooh! You like glittery stuff too?

Gibbs: Actualy-

Jack: I have an excellent collection of pink, glittery ponies that-

Gibbs: I meant the treasures

Pause

Jack: Oh! Ah! Yes! The treasure!

Gibbs: Yes, so where is it?

Jack: Um….er…..eh….the skeleton in the casket stole it!

Skeleton: YEAH RIGHT!

Jack: Look, just follow my reasoning alright? What do keys do?

Pirate dude 2: Um, they are for dining?

Jack: No

Pirate dude 34: keys…open…things?

Jack: that's specific

Pirate dude 34: Thank you

Jack: I am being sarcastic

Gibbs: You know the meaning of sarcastic?

Jack: It means handsome, doesn't it?

Gibbs: NM

_In Jack's cabin………………_

Jack: 'is working on a map' row row row your boat, merrily down the stream…………Hic!

_He looked at the compass_

Compass: You know, you should just focus and not sing too much

Jack: Oh, Sc*** you

Compass: Look at what you have drawn

Jack: hic…what...hic

_The map read sucker land_

Jack: Hey! That's where I am supposed to go!

Compass: ….yeah, you do that


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own PoTC!

Chapter 3

_Jack picked up his rum bottle but there was no rum left_

Jack: 'talking to himself' WHERE DID THE RUM GO?!?!?!??!?!?!??!

Compass: Um, under your seat?

Jack: 'stood up and swayed' oh, that's why

_He waltzed down to the cellar _

Jack: 'to the not so pleasant things around him' oh, hello………..sea amoeba?

_He found a bottle but was disappoint to find it not full of rum but full of prairie dog fur_

Jack: I've got to tell those things not to shed their fur EVERWHERE!

Compass: speaking of the prairie dogs, you know that they had being having a slumber party in your closet right?

Jack: No, I don-WHAT!?!

Compass: I overhead their conversation, they were using your underwears as bed sheets

Jack: I am so gonna

Bootstrap: Hello, Jackie-poo

Jack: Jackie-poo?!?

Bootstrap: you look good, Jack, but not for long

Jack: Yeah, you too, you look like you are covered in……boogey?

Bootstrap: Yeah, thanks for that

Jack: Don't bother about thanks, so….what are you here for?

Bootstrap: I've got a message from the Opera Ghost (Quote from Phantom of the Opera)

Jack: WALALALLA?!!?

Bootstrap: I've a message from him

Jack: him, as in…who?

Bootstrap: Davy Jones

Jack: Who?

Bootstrap: 'sighs' the Walking-Tentacle-Man

Jack: OHH! Him!

Pause

Jack: 'screams like a girl' MOMMY!

Bootstrap: Calm down, here, have some rum

Jack: Aw! Thanks 'Drinks rum'

Bootstrap: I found it in Jones' cabinet with the label: DO NOT TOUCH! Minus 98045843098504584 pH acid

Jack: 'gags'

Bootstrap: Ahahahha! Just kidding, here, let me show you 'drinks rum and is corroded' Ookay, maybe not

Jack: so, should I call you fish stick now?

Bootstrap: no! Um, anyway, you've got to return to his service, 'cuz you've being captain of this mess for thirteen years or he will send his beasties after you

Jack: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookay?

Bootstrap: Know what is his beastie?

Jack: um, you?

Pause

Bootstrap: no, but I like that

Jack: Don't need to thank m-

Bootstrap: bye, I gotta get going 'extends hand'

Jack: what are you doing?

Bootstrap: come on! Just a friendly handshake!

Jack: 'shakes hand with Bootstrap' yikes!

Bootstrap: MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Now you've got the black spot! This trick works every time!

Jack: Okay, I just found the need to puke 'faints'


	5. Chapter 5

I DO NOT OWN DMC!!! sorry

Chapter 4

_Jack woke up and he ran up to the deck_

Jack: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! YOU BUNCH OF OVER-SIZED PIGS!

Gibbs: what is your problem?

Jack: JUST BLOODY WAKE UP!

Gibbs: What happened? Is something attacking us? Or is that you looked into the mirror again?

Jack: what the-

Gibbs: okay, I get what you mean, you saw yourself in the mirror!

Jack: shut up before I-

Gibbs: Sorry sir

Jack: 'grabbed the scarf from some random pirate' head towards land!

Gibbs: Excuse moi!?

Jack: Which part of it do you not understand? The 'head' or the 'towards' or the 'land'?

Gibbs: I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! I am asking you which direction are we heading?

Jack: Anywhere! As long as we are heading towards land!

Gibbs: Sucker

_Back at Port Royal………………….._

_Beckett asked Will to be brought to him for tea. _

Map guy: 'painting on the wall' lalalalalalalala 'Draws mostache on a painting of Beckett nearby'

Beckett: 'playing with Norrington's sword' ooooooooooooooooooooh! Shiny!

_Will was brought in irons_

Beckett: there's no need for that, thanks

Guard: 'freed Will'

Will: You wanted to see me because…………………..

Beckett: Because I want something from you

Will: and you want something from me because…………………….

Beckett: I want to conquer the world

Will: And you want to conquer the world because…………………..

Beckett: because if you don't shut up, I will personally nail you to the wall

Will: And you will personally nail me to the wall because…………………………..

Beckett: ……

Will: okay, I'll shut up

Beckett: good, here, have some rat poison

Will: No, I am not a rat

Beckett: 'pretends to be surprised' REALLY?!?!

Will: maybe you are, but I am certainly not

Beckett: did you just called me a rat?

Will: I did?

_The two nitwits scratched their heads_

Beckett: okay, look, I need you to find Jack, tell him that his best friend and his fiancée is in mortal peril

Will: WOWOWOWOWOW?!

Beckett: I want something of his

Will: like, say, what, his hello kitty underpants?

Beckett: that's not what I wan-HE HAS A HELLO KITTY UNDERPANTS?!?!?

Will: Yeah, he does

Beckett: OMG! You have to get that for me, oh, just to add, and a compass

Will: 'tried to remain stone face but he failed like….wow'

Beckett: I saw that, Mr. Eunuch, get the compass and Elizabeth goes free

Will: What about me?

Beckett: you go free too

Will: You promise?

Beckett: N-yes

Will: Say it louder

Beckett: Sucker

Will: I'll take it as a yes 'left'

Beckett: Negotiation with Turner was so easy

Will: 'comes back in' Wait, I forgot one thing, what is it that you asked me to do?

Beckett: 'slaps forehead' get the compass AND the hello kitty underpants from Jack Sparrow

Will: okay 'left'

_Then minutes later_

Will: 'comes back in' can you repeat your instructions? I can't seem to remember them

Beckett: …………….


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own DMC!

Chapter 5

_After repeating the same instruction over and over again to the dim witted Will, Beckett resorted to using a chisel and carved the instruction into Will's head. Will went back to see Elizabeth. Meanwhile, Governor Swann was having a furious argument with the prison guards. _

Governor Swann: look, let my daughter out and I will give you ten pounds

Guards: only?

Governor Swann: YOU ARE BLOODY GUARD, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!?! A MERCEDES!?!?!

Guards: You don't have the right, and a Mercedes sounds great

Governor Swann: see this rabbit on my head?

Guard: no, I see a wig

Governor Swann: Shut up, I didn't wear it to keep my head warm

Guard: say who?

Governor Swann: Say me

Will: Elizabeth!

Elizabeth: You are back

Will: Yep, quick as an arrow

Elizabeth: you are gone like, for three days?

Will: I need to get the instruction right

Elizabeth: oh, that's understandable

Will: Lord Shorty needs Jack's compass

Elizabeth: What, the compass that points to nowhere?

Will: yep, that's the one, a broken compass

Elizabeth: big deal, what else does he want?

Will: Jack's Hello Kitty underpants

Governor Swann: That boy's got problems

Elizabeth: he's not a boy anymore, daddy

Governor Swann: 'leans on a candlestick but the candlestick broke from his weight' BLOODY CANDLESTICKS!

_Will decided to take a trip around the world in eighty days, only he did not have that much time left. He arrived in a pirate port. _

Random Pirate: Nope, haven't seen Jack Sparrow for eight years maybe he's dead, you should look for him in Singapore, it will take you three years to get there, though

Will: Forget it then

_In Tortuga…._

Gillette: Jack Sparrow! I haven't seen him too, if you see him, give this from him 'head butt, slap, bite, strangle, punch Will'

Will: I assure you, I will give that to him 'mutters' bloody chick

_In some random place……._

Pirate: I've seen him, him and his pearl were trapped on this spooky island of doom, few people return from there, you see, so good luck, pal

_Will and the brother of the Pirate began rowing towards the island of doom, but half way there, the pirate brother stopped and stared at Will. _

Will: What the heck is wrong with you?

Pirate brother: 'speaking in foreign language' you are so hot, I can stare at you the whole day long, too bad you are a eunuch, so get lost

Will: You suck! I shall be heroic and swim there all the way by myself, seeya! 'Jumps off ship'

_Will managed to swim to shore in less than a minute, bloody amazing. _

Will: Jack! Jack Swallow!

Pause

Will: wait, I mean Jack Sparrow!

_Silence_

Will: 'knock on the ship' is anybody home?

Black Pearl: What does it look like, eunuch?

Will: 'wanders off into the forest' Jackie poo? 'Spots Cotton's parrot' AH! ROAST TURKEY!

Parrot: Awck! Are you another one that plans to turn me into parrot stew?

Will: No, you taste disgusting anyway

Parrot: bloody pirate 'poops on Will'

Will: Yikes! You pooped on me!

Parrot: What does it look like, eunuch?

Pause

Will: I seemed to have heard that one before


	7. Chapter 7

I do now own DMC

Chapter 6

_Will wandered into the forest, smart guy_

Will: HELLO!

Authoress: Shut up

Will: 'pouts'

_Anyway, Will came across Gibb's canteen_

Will: 'looking at the canteen' Gibbs

Canteen: Who are you calling 'Gibbs'? Can't you see that I am NOT Gibbs? I am his bloody canteen!

Will: Sorry

_Then, all of a sudden, a green person jumped from a tree and almost gave Will a heart attack_

Green Person: BOO!

Will: EEEEK! 'Wets himself'

_Then more and more carnivores appeared and surrounded Will_

Will: 'Takes out sword' back off! You see this shiny thing? You know what this is? A sword! Be afraid! BE VERY AFRAID! MUAHAHAHAHAH! AHHHHH!

_Will got hung upside down_

Will: Now THAT I was not expecting

Random carnivore: then what are you expecting? Fish bones?

Will: 'start fighting the carnivores upside down, he gotta use his brain more often' HIYA! Come on! You bunch of green bastards, come on! Are you chicken?! What, you scared of me?!? Yeah! You should! I am the awesome man of awesome-

Random Carnivore: 'to another carnivore' don't he ever shut up?

Another Carnivore: no, don't think so

Will: 'still fighting, waving his sword pointlessly' come on! I can do this all day, for a week, a month, a year-no, three years! FIGHT ME!

Random carnivore: oh shut up 'shoots dart into Will's neck'

Authoress: Ouch, that must have hurt A LOT!

_Will became unconscious and the carnivores carried him like a bear on a stick, they cross three valleys filled with POISONED BOILING JELLIES! Finally, they brought Will before his chief_

Random Carnivore: 'in carnivore' yo, we brought food!

_The chief opened his eyes and we saw that he is………………………Jack! _

Random Carnivore: 'points at Will' he's coming round!

Everyone: shit

Will: 'wakes up' Jack?!

Jack: 'waltzes up to Will' yo wazzup

Will: Jack! Beckett wants your compass; give it to him, man

Jack: 'ignores Will and speaks to the carnivores in carnivore' where did you find this piece of shit?

Carnivores: 'in carnivore' we hungry, sire

Jack: 'in carnivore' lock him up, save him for later, he don't look so tasty either, he is a eunuch, you know, snip snip, yikey

Carnivores: 'groans' another course spoilt

Jack: save him for Halloween

Will: 'sees Jack's compass' Jack! I need your bloody compass now! Elizabeth was charged with helping you! I need you compass to exchange for her freedom, she is gonna get skooshed!

Jack: what do you need? MY compass?

Will: Yes! Oh! And you hello kitty underpants

Jack: that's so-wait a minute, how does Beckett know that I have hello kitty underpants?

Will: 'sheepishly' uh, I told him

Jack: sorry, can't give it to you now, I am wearing it, if you want, I can take it off now and-

Will: NEVERMIND! Safe it for late

Jack: sure, and oh yes, HELP ME!

Will: How am I supposed to do that when I am all tied up?

Jack: just, help me; I am in rather deep shit now

Will: Jack?! Let me go! Tell them to let me go! What about Lizzie!?! JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

_Somewhere in Port Royal……….._

_Groves and Gillette were playing chess_

Gillette: what is that awful shouting?

Groves: Maybe it is your stomach

Pause

Gillette: Hmm, time to eat 'eats the entire chess board' yummy

Groves: Damn you, that was the 29385489375th chest board you ate today!


	8. Chapter 8

I do not own DMC

Chapter 7

_Elizabeth was meditating in her cell_

Papa Swann: hurry up! Stop your foolish nonsense and come with me!

Elizabeth: Whadddddaddadadaddaadadadadadadaddadaa?

Papa Swann: I am taking you to Hawaii for a holiday

Elizabeth: riiiiiiiight

Papa Swann: I need to get you out of here!

Elizabeth: You don't trust Will? 'Puppy eyes'

Papa Swann: That boy's got no brains! We can't depend on him!

Elizabeth and Will-lovers: OOI! 'Throw tomatos and Papa Swann'

Papa Swann: Whatever

_So Papa Swann got Elizabeth out from the cell, but he realized that the captain had being killed by a giant nail-clipper._

Mercer: 'coming out from behind the nail-clipper' Yo!

Everyone: 'screams and wet themselves'

Papa Swann: WTF!

Mercer: 'searches the carriage, but cannot find Elizabeth' Where did that whore went?

Elizabeth-lovers: YOU STINK! 'Throw prairie dogs'

Mercer: Yeah, whatever I stink

Pause

Everyone: hehe

_Meanwhile, in Beckett's office……………………………………_

Beckett: 'kissing the Letter of Marque hmmmmm, my baby, goodnight

_Ten minutes later…………_

Beckett: MY BABY! WHERE DID YOU GO!??! COME BACK TO ME!

Elizabeth: 'holding the Letter of Marque' shut up, you and I need to talk

Beckett: MY BABY! RETURN THEM TO ME!

Elizabeth: Not before talking

Beckett: S**** you

Elizabeth: my apologies 'held the Letter of Marque over a candle'

Beckett: 'had a silent panic attack' NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Elizabeth: :)

Beckett: what do you want?!?!

Elizabeth: You must sign your name, include that you interrupted our wedding, and pay for everything we spend on the wedding, then you must hand over all your money and throw them down a cliff, then bonk yourself on the head and call yourself an idiot

Pause

Beckett: I don't like the 'pay for everything' and the 'hand over all your money and thrown them down a cliff' part

Elizabeth: 'held the Letter of Marque over a fireplace'

Beckett: OKAY OKAY! I'LL DO IT! 'Thinking' yeah right

Elizabeth: Sucker 'leaves'

_Meanwhile on the ISLAND OF DOOOOOM, Will and five other pirates were stuck in a cage made of bones. _

Will: This stinks

Gibbs: aye

Will: I am hungry

Everyone: GASP!

Will: So, where the other crew members go?

Gibbs: You are in them

Will: GROSS! Oooh! Is that a rib bone?

Everyone: OO

Will: Anyway, why is Jack the leader?

Gibbs: Well, you see, the cannibals thought that Jack is their king

Pause

Will: WTF, JACK'S KING?!!?!?

Gibbs: So they decided that it is most loyal to free the king from his fleshy form, so they decided to eat him

Will: But they will carry a part of their king in their stomachs and Jack will come out within a few days

Gibbs: must you always make it gross?

Will: Sorry

Gibbs: Hear that drum?

Will: What drum?

Gibbs: Those drums!

Will: Whadadaddadadadadadadadadaaddadddaddadaaaaaddadadasadaddddada-oooh, drums

Gibbs: yeah, when they stop, DING! Jack gets cooked

Will: 'pictures Jack sitting on a plate, roasted with an apple in his mouth' OMG! We need to get out of here!

_Will and company began swinging the cages to upbeat circles music, but all they could do was to grab a few twigs and swing backwards, after three gazillion years later, the side of the mountain was almost plucked clean by them. _

Everyone: Weeeeeeeeeee! MISSED!

Will: Come on, everyone, try again!

Everyone: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! MISSED AGAIN!

Will: 'slaps forehead'


	9. Chapter 9

_Finally, after an agonizing three hours, which by then Jack would have being burnt, Will and Co. finally hung onto the side of the cliff, along with the pirates in another cage. _

Will: Alright, everyone, climb! 'Start climbing down'

Gibbs: Oi! Mr. Eunuch, the other way!

Pause

Will: oh, right 'u-turns'

_Everyone starts to climb_

Will: Come on! We need to get to the Pearl immediately before the other cage does! Although we don't need to worry because we are still gonna be the one to get to it first

Gibbs: Shut up, you are ruining the plot

_They suddenly spotted a young cannibal boy crossing a bridge that has no railings_

Will: Shit, stop! Everyone! Stop!

Pirates in another cage: 'continues climbing' toodles

Gibbs: WTF!

Will: 'since when they made him leader' I said STOP!

Pirates in another cage: 'Picks up a snake' HOLY SHIT MUMMY HELP ME!!!!! SNAKE!!! 'Let go of twines and fell to their death'

Everyone in the other cage: 'peed their pants' Creepy

Will: 'pouts'

_The boy saw the falling pirates and the would-be-falling pirates. He started running to tell the others. Meanwhile, dear Jack was not having much luck. _

Cannibal dude: THE TIME HAS COME!

Everyone: 'cheers'

Cannibal dude: LET'S GET THIS FIRE STARTED! HUAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA!

Jack: no good

Cannibal dude: 'was about to set the fire'

Boy: good evening, ladies and gentlemen, it is my deepest regrets and-

Cannibal dude: just skip the formal part

Boy: THE EUNUCH BOY AND THE PIRATES ARE ESCAPING!!!!

Everyone: 'looks at Jack'

Jack: well, go on, get them, go away and leave me in peace while I figure out how to escape.

_Everyone dashed off to recapture Will and the pirates. The Cannibal dude 'accidentally' dropped the flaming torch into the pile of hay that was meant to roast Jack. _

Jack: OI! OI! OI! Put out the flame damnit!

Everyone: 'Too busy chasing after Will and Co. to notice'

Jack: big uh-oh

_Jack then tried to put out the flame by blowing, but that only made the flame bigger. _

Jack: shit, not good, if only I have my pocket fire extinguisher

_Meanwhile, Will and Co. had finally reached the top of the cliff. _

Will: quick! Cut it loose, find a rock or something! Something sharp!

Gibbs: or use your teeth!

Will: or use your nails!

Gibbs: NO WAY! I just went for my manicure

Pause

Everyone: 'spasms'


End file.
